Tuesday, December 18, 2012

BLOG MOVED...

I decided to move my blog because I like this format better. I wanted to use it before but couldn't figure out how to upload videos. I finally figured it out today so I moved to this url CLICK HERE

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Melanie

ETL Diet Ramblings - Give Yourself Some Credit

I was surfing on my favorite weightloss forum this morning and found a blog that had something on it that I needed to read. The blogger was writing about how her friend told her that she was way too hard on herself and that the more you put yourself down and hate yourself for eating bad things, the more depressed she would feel which in turn provokes more bad food choices. WOW! Talk about hitting the nail on the head!! My Grandma (God rest her soul) told me once that the day I stop worrying about it is the day I will lose the weight". I always believed this but just could never stop worrying about it. It's like I focus on nothing else in my life except dieting. I've been dieting since I was 18yrs old! And why? Why? I don't know because when I look back at my pictures I was SKINNY!!! Why on earth did I think I was fat? All those years of looking skinny I didn't enjoy one second of it because I had it in my head that I was a cow.
The writer also mentioned that she didn't give herself any credit. I can totally relate to this as I NEVER give myself credit for anything I do, except crochet, I do that very well. So as of today I'm going to start giving myself credit for a job well done instead of beating the crap out of myself for every tiny mistake I make while learning how to eat to live again.
First thing this morning I told myself that I wasn't going to eat breakfast this morning because I had something I shouldn't have last night. I just couldn't resist a BBQ'd porkchop that I fixed for the hubster last night for dinner. Yup I ate it. And I ate AFTER I had my own dinner. I really wanted one BAD. So I took one. And I ate it. GONE!
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with eating a BBQ'd pork chop. What's wrong is I ate my dinner already and was feeling full as it was. That's what I'm talking about!

So here's my credit for my cheat...
I'm giving myself credit because for once I only ate ONE chop.

And breakfast was awsome!


Saturday, December 15, 2012

ETL Diet Ramblings - What?! No Tea?!

I went to my favorite place to shop, Trader Joes. I was shopping for some tea that I just found and I LOVE. It's called, "Ruby Red Chia Tea". I looked on the tea shelf and it wasn't there? Where is it? Do they have teas stocked somewhere else in the store? After fretting for a minute I finally asked the sales girl on the floor where it was. She politely went in the back to check to see if they had some. Nope they didn't. And to make matters worse she said that it was one of the five teas that they are discontinuing. What?! But it's the only tea I like! I hate tea! So I figured that if I like that one so much just maybe there would be another one that I would like just as well so I picked up "Organic Chamamile Tea". (And I love it!)
After the tea drama I walked over to the frozen food section because I wanted to pick up at least 3 bags of frozen kale. I love this stuff to make soup with! Guess what? They only had one left in the freezer case. Just one?! I asked the guy stocking the freezer stuff if they were getting anymore in. He said, "I'm sure they are." I told him today was not my day because not only is my tea being discontinued but now they are out of frozen kale. He assured me that the kale was not being discontinued. He told me about the fresh kale they had. I politely declined because I like the frozen bags I can just throw in the freezer and not fuss with too much. Heck, if I'm going to eat this stuff I at least need a little convenience to go along with it.

ETL Diet Ramblings - On The Phone Mindlessly Eating

My Daughter called me and it's funny, everytime she calls I end up in the kitchen eating mindlessly. What's up with that? I think she triggers stress eating in me. I really need to stay out of the kitchen when she calls. Come to think of it, it's not just her it's everyone that calls me on the phone. I always end up in the kitchen eating!? So maybe it's not stress eating after all. Maybe it's social eating?

It's not that there is anything wrong with eating corn tortillas with PB&J. Actually, I think it can be considered a healthy snack. But I think just one would have been enough. Even two may not have been that bad. But four? FOUR? Why did I need that many? I wasn't hungry? And I was eating them and not paying any attention what so ever. When I was done I'd say, "It's gone? I think I'll have another and pay more attention to it." Nope. Didn't happen. Mindless eating. That's all it was.

To be accountable while I was on the phone I ate 4 small corn tortillas with PB&J on it. There I put it out there. It's said and it's done. I own it.  I am going to put a note in the kitchen that says, "If your in the kitchen and you're talking on the phone GET OUT!"

Friday, December 14, 2012

ETL Diet Ramblings - Habits Are Hard To Break

Today I feel good with the exception of a bad cold I've been fighting for the past week and a half. I have been perfect in all aspects of eating on plan for the past 2 days except for my cough drops which I don't think will make that much difference in my weight loss. But time will tell. Even tho I'm sick I feel amazing again. My body is totally loving the high nutrition that's going into it. It shows in my skin, my hair, my bm's (sorry too much tmi), and even my attitude. I love how I feel and I hope and pray I will continue so that I can keep feeling this way.
Last night I did however have to fight back a craving while we were watching TV. It started around 9pm and I fought it up until I went to bed. TV kept showing McDonald's and Wendy's commercials and I really wanted to eat something like they were advertising. But I didn't. I told myself to hush, I'm going to bed. And I did. VICTORY!
Cravings are hard for me. I'm use to eating before bed for the past umteen years. It's hard to go to sleep. It's hard to stay asleep. I have to break this habit of eating when I'm not hungry. It's going to kill me if I don't stop it. I have a new secret weapon for cravings and night time eating. It's called Trader Joe's Red Ruby Chia Tea/decaf. I don't like tea, not even the herbal teas. But this one is good. It's very mild and it doesn't make me feel sick in my stomach and it doesn't cause me to feel like I'm having trouble breathing like teas usually make me feel.
Speaking of eating when not hungry. That's another thing I've tuned into lately. Everytime I eat I ask myself if I'm really hungry and then I evaluate how I feel. I realize now that I don't get hungry all that often. I now eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That is all. I'm not hungry right away for breakfast so I have a couple of cups of coffee/decaf and then around 8 or 9am I'm ready. I'm really surprised that I am not hungry for lunch until around 1 or 2pm. Same at dinner. I can wait til 6 or 7pm depending on the day.
Another thing that I'm considering is starting some kind of exercise. I don't believe it! I'm actually contemplating excersise! I haven't wanted to excersise in years. This feels good. I figure I'll start very small. I have a 30min dvd of "Walk Away the Pounds" by Lesle Sansone that I think I will start with. Her videos are easy, at least they were when I first got the video a billion years ago. haha.
I'm going to start either tomorrow (Sat) or Monday. We'll see.
Anywho, just thought I'd throw this out there. Don't be afraid to post a comment because I need all the support I can get. I'm doing this alone while the Hubster eats whatever the heck he wants!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Week 3 Weigh-in Day

Today is my week 3 weigh-in day. I'm not going to make a Vlog for this weigh-in as I'm too ashamed. The scale says 190 lbs. That puts me at a 5 lb gain from last week. I haven't been sticking strickly to my eating plan. All the times I cheated I was totally unprepared for a hunger attack or I was hungry and let myself go too long before eating. I am going to recommit myself today. Yesterday I ate perfectly on plan. So today I plan the same.
Yesterday I made the best 3 bean vegetable chili listed in the recipe section of the "Eat to Live" book. And I can't believe what a huge hit is was with the Hubster! I made it in a really big pot. It should last me the week. Today I will be making another huge bowl of salad and veggies for the week. I also made kale soup the other day and it is so good! My goal for this week is to eat on plan and to be PREPARED for when I'm not home and a hunger attack strikes.
Instead of feeling ugly about not staying on plan I'm going to OWN it. I own this 190 lbs! I saw a post on a forum that I think I will keep in my head. It goes like this..."Anything I eat in private will show in public."
The good news from all this is I'm still eating salad and raw veggies. I'm still eating 2 big bowls a day before I eat my lunch and dinner! I'm going to consider this an off the scale VICTORY! And guess what? I think I'm liking salads again! I found a creamy thick low fat vegan salad dressing that is a life saver for me. I found it here ETL Salad Dressing.
I have to mention that before I went on my serious off plan eating I felt AMAZING! I didn't have brain fog, I wasn't tired, I was energetic, I felt happy inside, and all my anxiety was gone. I want to feel that way again. I want to feel that way for the rest of my life!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

ETL Diet Ramblings - Trader Joe's Cocoa Truffles

Today I went to my favorite store in the whole world and that is Trader Joe's. I picked up...

*frozen kale,
*ruby red chi tea,
*cocoa truffles.

Hmmmmm...this list reminds me of a song on Sesame Street...

"One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others,
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others-(cocoa truffles),
Then you're absolutely...right!"

I am so SICK to my stomach! What on earth was I thinking that I could have something like this in my house! Am I stupid or what?
Here's how the conversation went that I was having in my head as I stood there staring longingly at those cocoa truffles. I argued with myself that these were dangerous! I forbade myself to even touch them! Then I assured myself that I was in COMPLETE control now. I could handle it! I'm an adult and I shouldn't have to be told what I can and can't have in my own home." So then I comprimised with myself, "Only on one condition. I can only have one just once in a while. Not every night and never more than one."
So there I stood in the checkout line with a smug grin on my face feeling confident and under control. I can do this. I got this. I'm in complete control.
I got in my car and the first thing I did was open the box of truffles and ate one. The hubster had to make a pit stop at the liquor store so I waited in the car... and ate another one.
We got home and I asked the hubster to put the little red box on the very very top shelf of the highest cabinet in the kitchen, I'd have to get a step stool to reach them.

And that's what I did. I got the step stool.

I'm feeling pretty low right now. Funny how when you're eating things like this you are happy as a lark until they're all gone. Then the happiness is gone and I'm left with the feeling of abandonment and self loathing. The chatter in my head turns to reprimand and name calling. I'm no longer feeling confident. I no longer have that stupid smug grin on my face. What happened to the voice that was so confident before? Where did it go? It's like reality hits and it goes into hiding. It doesn't take up for me anymore. It's not there to tell me it's going to be okay because I can handle this. Where is it to defend me now? It was at the store talking me up before? It was ready to defend me then? Now I'm left alone all by myself with the voice that forbade me in the first place telling me, "I TOLD YOU!"